


E M P T Y

by AnxiousCheesecake



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Addiction, Body Image, Eating Disorder, Gen, Healing Pod, Lance whump, Langst, Vomiting, Whump, Worried team mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 01:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15183953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousCheesecake/pseuds/AnxiousCheesecake
Summary: Lance has an addiction.He loves the feeling of being empty





	E M P T Y

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while since I've uploaded so here's a short langst fic that I wrote within an hour. It isn't edited at all so don't mind the mistakes and shitty writing. I hope you like it! Don't hesitate to leave a comment since I love talking to you guys.

He lifted his shirt, turning this way and that to see himself in the mirror. He frowned and reached down to pinch at his stomach. He then smoothed his hand over his sides, nails dragging along and leaving light white marks on his tan skin.

He finally looked up at his face in the mirror and he was met with hollow eyes and sharp cheekbones. He let go of his shirt and pinched at the skin of his cheeks, frown growing more.  _ Too much. _

He needed it gone so he could be better. So he could run faster, more agile and protect what was important to him.

Lance did this every morning in the deafening silence of his room. He would stand in front of the mirror, pinching at his skin to see how much more weight he needed to lose.

This routine had started months ago when they had gotten Shiro back. The realization sunk in that he needed to become better and stronger when he had failed Shiro. The one time their leader needed him. That was the one time he could have helped and save the leader who was in so much pain but he fucked up. As always.

So Lance made it his goal to get better. 

He wasn't strong like Shiro or Hunk. He wasn't quick like Keith or small like Pidge. He wasn't a magical princess like Allura. But he could become something that could step onto their level. Ever since the beginning of this, he was always looking up at the podium they stood on and they... they always looked down.

The team was questioning his sudden willingness to train and how he came to the meetings on time. He always responded by saying that he had a change of heart. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

He started by pushing himself to the limit during training. With the team and by himself. It would leave him groaning and sore but soon he started to crave that feeling. It became a drug of some sorts. He thought he could have controlled it but he was wrong. Lance was addicted.

Then came something new. His appetite slowly became no more. He would try to 'eat' in his room or before everyone else. Sometimes he would succeed but at other times he would have to sit down with the team to eat. While other times Hunk would drag him to the kitchen to taste test another one of his food goo dishes. At first, he thought nothing of his sudden lack of appetite.

But then he knew it had become too much one day.

After eating dinner with the team, he walked back to his room with an arm wrapped over his stomach to try and soothe the weird feeling. He stopped in front of his bedroom door, unfazed when it slid open. He didn't walk in and stared at the floor, wondering what the strange feeling could possibly be.

Lance wasn't sure how long it was before he walked into his room. He looked around, taken aback by how different it was. The Castle of Lions was destroyed months ago and now they lived in a new ship. His room was different in that it would catch him off guard at the time. But that was the least of his worries. He stopped in front of the mirror that was propped up against the wall, slowly looking over it and realization settled in.  _ He needed it gone.  _

That feeling that was in his stomach. It was too much and he needed it gone. His breathing started to quicken as he looked around the room for something to help get rid of this  _ feeling.  _ He desperately pulled at his shirt, pacing back and forth and just trying to breathe. That was when he remembered something that he learned back on Earth. 

Some people would put fingers down their throat.... to force themselves to vomit. Lance stumbled to his bathroom, slipping on his socks and almost crashing painfully to the ground. He scrambled towards the toilet, falling to his knees and flipping the toilet seat up. His hands slipped along the sides of the toilet but he was finally able to grab the sides with a white-knuckled grip.

Fear washed through him as he thought about what he was going to do but his head had already made his mind. His heart? It was unsure but Lance didn't care. his heart never made the right decisions. 

He hurriedly took two fingers, shoving them into his mouth and crying in desperation and fear. But he continued. There was no stopping now.

Hot tears streamed down his face when he pushed his long fingers farther. The noises he was making must have sounded horrible but to him, it sounded like music to his ears. Finally, he pushed his fingers far enough where his stomach gave in to the urge of throwing up. His throat burned as he emptied out his dinner. He cried when he heaved multiple times into the toilet. Lance wasn't sure how long it continued until finally, he sat back again the wall, breathing heavily. 

The taste in his mouth was disgusting but the feeling was gone. His fingers gently danced over his throat, sliding down his chest and to his stomach. He felt so... empty. And he loved it.

Soon enough that became a daily routine as well. He would eat to show his fellow Paladins that their looks of worry were pointless. Along with the makeup he used to cover up his eye bags and to make his protruding cheekbones less noticeable, that worry completely disappeared.

* * *

Life in the new ship was going great. They had gotten a small break after some more fighting and diplomatic meetings. Shiro had given everyone two days off from training. Keith was first to complain but after some coaxing, he finally agreed as well. But what shocked the others was that Lance didn't listen to Shiro at all.

They had all expected him to eat up the idea of there being a break but instead, they found him training. They all huddled on either side of the training room door, watching their fellow paladin fight against the training bots.

After the whole Shiro incident, one by one they slowly realized something was wrong with Lance. At first, they thought it was the fact that he had cried about failing Shiro when he asked Lance for help. But when they asked him, he simply brushed away their accusation and laughed as if it was nothing.

So they chose to believe their friend. Though each Paladin soon realized that it was the wrong choice. There were small things here and there that each Paladin noticed about Lance that made them feel uneasy. The way he had become more quiet, how he was training more and became more aggressive, or he would ignore Allura's demand for a 'girls' night. Just the other day he refused to try Hunk's new recipe which had hurt the Yellow Paladin more than anything.

He had also started spacing out more and looked deadly tired every day. And maybe it was the trick of the eye but did he also look skinnier?

The Paladins all grimaced when Lance was hit by the training bots staff and crashed to the ground. They expected him to get up again and shoot the bot square in the chest like every other time. They waited. Five seconds turning into ten and before anyone knew what was happening, Shiro was shoving open the door to run over to Lance.

Shiro kneeled down beside Lance, rolling him onto his back and then gently pulled the Blue Paladin onto his lap.

"Lance?" He shook the limp body his lap slightly, hoping for a response.

"What's wrong with him?!" Hunk's voice asked Shiro. He could hear and feel the anxiety dripping from the Yellow Paladin and it made Shiro worry even more.

Shiro moved his hands to pick up Lance to take him to the healing pods when he froze. Lance's ribs... he could feel them right under the suit. It was pushing up against the tight skin. What had been going on with Lance?

There was no time for questions. He would get answers after Lance was alright.

Shiro stood, Lance limp in his arms. He ran out of the training room, the other Paladins chasing after him. He could hear Keith yelling at Coran to set up a healing pod. 

All of them were confused as to what was happening. Their hearts were racing at the idea that maybe they were too late. That it was all their fault because they weren't paying attention whatsoever. Lance had always done so much for them and here they were, waiting to see if their friend would live.

Once Lance was in the healing pod, they all curled up on the floor together and stared at his sleeping form. Nobody said a word and let themselves drift into their own negative thoughts. It was Coran who snapped them out of it, forcing them onto their feet to eat, wash up and sleep.

They would find out the reason for the Blue Paladin's pain and help to ease it.

Because that was what they did. They helped their friend who felt empty, feel like a person who deserved love and affection.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [starr-lights](https://starr-lights.tumblr.com/)


End file.
